Today is the anniversary of when Freddie died, a year ago in Exeter.

We took a stroll to the Zoo as soon as it opened this morning and went to his little bench by the Gorillas and Orang Utans. The sun was shining and the apes were out on the island I thought enjoying the warmth. I think actually it was because they had all been locked out of their house whilst the keepers were inside sweeping up all their muck and empty banana skins.

We tied a little yellow rose to the bench, and because we were one of the first people in there, we spent a while quietly watching the apes and listening to the birds and monkeys.

Rachel and I thought about our beloved little boy and wished so much that he could have been with us. Sadly not.

Its been a quiet day today which is nice, very similar in weather to last year.

I won't do much more on this 'blog once baby is born, though I might add things just to make sure it does not appear dormant.

God bless you Freddie. x

Today Rachel and I visited Torbay Hospital to see the consultant about how baby is going to be born.

When Freddie was born he got stuck and was delivered by emergency caesarian and so at the time they suggested we would need to see if it were likely to happen again another time. After a chat with the consultant, he advised that a caesarian was probably the best option again, although this time we would do it by appointment....

So, all being well Rachel and I will head into the hospital on Tuesday 13 May and later meet a new little person. Baby may appear earlier of course (like Freddie who was nearly three weeks early) but we cannot do much about that anyway.

So hopefully all will go to plan.

Rachel perches on the bench

We had not seen the type of bench that the Zoo got for us, but it was made of sustainable materials and sourced in accordance with their conservation thinking.

It has been positioned overlooking the gorilla and orang utan islands, and faces our house which is 200 metres away. It was a lovely day and it was fairly quiet there. The bench is nice and sports a brass plaque, simply engraved “Precious Memories of Freddie Wills 19 March 2006 – 2 May 2007.”

It is a really nice quiet location that many people pass by. Whilst I was sitting on the bench Rachel noticed something rather strange. A few feet away, on the path sat a Peacock butterfly which was basking in the sun. It stayed there for a minute, enough time for me to get a close-up photograph, before fluttering off out of sight. Very strange. Those who have followed the ‘blog will have remembered the relevance of butterflies, as one appeared just after Fred died on the 2 May 2007. They have appeared in various situations since, even in the middle of winter.

As we set off back to the entrance a family came by and stopped and read the plaque. They noted that Freddie was just 13 months when he died, and went off explaining to their children, who were toddlers, what the bench was all about. Very sad in one way to hear strangers talking about our Fred in that way, but in another it was exactly why we wanted the bench.

Today would have been Frederick's second birthday. I remember who pleased we were two years ago when Fred arrived, and going to Sainsbury's to get some things we had forgotten.

I also whizzed over to Mothercare in Torquay to get a "Baby on Board" sticker for the car as I had always wanted one of them.

Last year we were in Ward 34 celebrating as best we could but until I knew all was clear it hung over us, the worry of what was to come, if anything. The staff got Fred some stuff and we received lots of cards, which went on the notice board in his cubicle.

This year, nothing. After getting up pottering Rachel and I decided to go out for a bit. We went to Paignton seafront and parked just by the place that we took Fred to on his first day at the beach. It was so hot then we had to keep him covered in sheets and parasols so he did not get to see the sun. It was too bright. My dad and his friend George popped over to see us as they were having a drink at the Club nearby.

Today the beach was empty except for a few dog walkers and pram pushers. And some seagulls.

We then went to the Zoo for a walk about. The bench is yet to arrive and I guess it must be imminent by now.

We received several messages during the day from well wishers, as well as some from the nurses at Bristol. That was nice.

Not much else happened other than Rachel and I met Hayley in town for some lunch and we headed home.